Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
