you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
