Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
