also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
