like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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