So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
