my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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