my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
