she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
