you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
