My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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