when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
