I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
