Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Porn is love you can see.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
