how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
