I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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