I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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