I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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