Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
