I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
