We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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