Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
