i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
