I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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