you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
