Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
