Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
