Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
