That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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