i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
