i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
