I think im going to throw up on grandma
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
