Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
