At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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