im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
