Your dad touched me again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just blew my weed a kiss
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
