I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
