I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
