he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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