Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
