the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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