i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
