she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
