I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
