We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
