I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Found the puke drawer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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