he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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