I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
