It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
