From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
