perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just cropdusted the office
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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