Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
